


Finding Good

by knifepyjamas



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Depression, Insomnia, M/M, More angst, Regret, Self-Hatred, Trauma, a lil bit of gay shit, battles, injuries, mysterious cold magic, shitty robots, so more bad jokes, talking about a cult now, the beginnings of recovery, the tags will get better i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2019-10-06 19:09:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knifepyjamas/pseuds/knifepyjamas
Summary: It wasn't supposed to be like this. It shouldn't be like this. Everyone else seemed so much better after the Day of Story and Song. The world was saved, and people could finallyremember. But Lucas, he had lost so much so quickly. His mom, the Bureau's trust, his lab and everything he had in it. Almost every gods damn thing he ever had was gone.





	1. The First Visit

It was noon, only noon, yet Lucas was so, unbelievably tired. He hadn't slept in so long. Days blended into nights and back into days filled with regret and disgust and hatred. His bed was too hard, his shitty apartment too cold. His body ached as his burning eyes stared unfocused at the dusty ceiling.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It shouldn't be like this. Everyone else seemed so much better after the Day of Story and Song. The world was saved, and people could finally _remember_. But Lucas, he had lost so much so quickly. His mom, the Bureau's trust, his lab and everything he had in it. Almost every gods damn thing he ever had was gone.

He didn't stick around after the battle. Even after helping, he knew people wouldn't just welcome him back with open arms. He fucked up and he couldn't make that up to them. He never could. So he left, as he had that same devastating Candlenights.

Finding somewhere to stay after the destruction of his lab was difficult. He had no money or social aptness and all the stigma of a man who's mistakes were projected to the entire omniverse. Eventually though, someone had taken enough pity on him to lend him a small apartment. Ristel Bennett, a drow woman in her early hundreds. From what Lucas knew of her, she left the Underdark not too long before the Crystal Kingdom disaster and became proprietor of Goldcliff Apartments with her partner.

Presumably, she only gave him the room because of the cherry tree marking the town's centre. She must've recalled Sloane's story and decided that it might've been disrespectful in some way to turn down someone who had been under the thrall. It was more disrespectful, he thought, to think Sloane was anything like him. It was the Sash that made her harm others, and she still tried to stop it. The Stone wasn't his first mistake.

Lucas avoided the tree as much as he could.

He purposefully took the backroads to his work, a decent mechanics shop unfortunately named "Rim Jobs". Apparently, it was supposed to have to do with the rims of the tires of battlewagons. He was thankful to work in the back, not having to deal with jokes about the name or talking to people in general. The job didn't pay much: just enough for him to be able to pay rent and buy food occasionally. If he was being honest, to pay his rent was the only reason he worked there. His co-workers weren't great. They weren't all assholes or anything, they were just all too loud and overbearing. The place also brought up memories of the lab and his experiments with robots and some that made him regret even more.

What seemed like eons ago, Lucas would come down to Neverwinter to get assistance for whatever projects he, his mother, or Lucretia were working on. He'd take an elevator down from the lab and walk down the crowded streets until he arrived at a small mechanic shop situated on a street corner. Once inside, he'd be greeted by a sweaty and greese-covered Avi. They were friends at one point. They had worked together on robots and canons. They would hang out at Avi's shop or in the lab and get drunk and talk about bullshit.

Then he found the Philospher's Stone and ruined everything.

Lucas closed his eyes and pressed his hands against his forehead in an attempt to lessen his growing headache. Anytime now his boss would be calling to yell at him for skipping work. It's not the first time he's done this, and he could very well get fired. Then kicked out, and back to searching for somewhere to stay until the same thing happens again. At the moment, he was beyond caring. He felt cold and horrible, with no energy to remove himself from his bed. He was going to lay there and let his already scrapped together life shatter under him again. 

Tears were welling up when he heard a knock on his door.

That didn't happen. No one came to visit Lucas Miller.

Another knock.

If out of nothing but sheer curiosity, he managed to push himself up and shamble over to the door, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and pushing away trash on his way. His hands shook as he reached for the doorknob. Was it one of his co-workers? They'd be at work. Ristel? She never visited before, and had no reason to now, unless she was maybe early on kicking him out. With one deep breath he opened the door and nearly screamed.

Standing in front of him and taking up the whole doorway was Magnus Burnsides. He didn't look that much different from when Lucas last saw him. His sideburns were trimmed and his hair was cut, though still charmingly messy. It just occurred to him that he had never seen Magnus without his weapons or armour. He dressed casually, donning a v-neck tee and jeans. The outfit displayed his strong scarred arms and a sliver of his tanned chest. He looked down at Lucas and a smile broke across his face. Fuck. Today was the day Magnus Burnsides was going to kill him.

He scampered backwards and tripped over some piece of garbage, landing on the floor with a painful yet soft thud. How did he find him? Was he upset at him for showing up during the fight? Did he not do good enough?

Magnus' smile fell as he watched Lucas scramble away from him.

"Shit, dude, are you alright?"

Lucas could hear his blood in his ears as Magnus stepped towards him. Why was he concerned? He was going to beat the shit out of him anyway. He squeezed his eyes shut the moment Magnus stopped in front of him. A series of pleas escaped his mouth. 

_"P-please don't hurt me. Please, Magnus, fuck, please."_

There was a pause, then-

"Lucas, why the fuck would I hurt you?"

He opened his eyes and stared at Magnus. He looked... worried? About him? That... that didn't make sense. He had made it clear that if he ever saw him again things were gonna go down pretty bad, and he had already pushed the line.

"You- you said that, you, um that you'd- if you ever saw me again you would, uh, you, you would k-kill me."

Magnus stared at him, biting his lip in what seemed like... confusion? 

"When did I- oh yeah, in your lab, the whole Crystal Kingdom shit-" he was rubbing the back of his neck- "Yeah I didn't actually mean that. I was pissed and you did some pretty bad stuff but I'm not... that kind of guy. You also helped saved our asses, so... You listened to me. You've been doing good, yeah? So don't worry."

Lucas had gone out of his way to do good, emphasis on *had*. Now he could barely get himself to do anything. Sure he still helped in little ways: cleaning up the backroom before he left work, feeding the stray cats that wandered the city, that time he helped Ristel decide on a place to take her partner on a date, but none of that was doing good on a Magnus Burnsides scale. 

Magnus was still staring at him, a frown set on his face. It didn't take a high perception check to tell that Lucas didn't believe him. 

"Listen, Lucas, I'm here to check on you. You showed up after we had told everyone you were dead then disappeared again before anybody could properly talk to you. Lucretia was worried about you."

Magnus' hand was held out to help lift him up. Lucas ignored it, choosing instead to fixate on the ground. He could feel his heartbeat throb in time with his headache. There was no way that this was true. No way anyone would care enough about him to track him down, and definitively no way that person would be Magnus Fucking Burnsides.

As soon as he went to speak, he was interrupted.

"Lucas, why did you run?"

The question was not something he expected, nor was it one he was prepared to answer. Because he had hurt people? Because no one would want him around? Because they'd just end up making him leave anyway?

He tried to stop it, but hot tears began to obscure his vision. There was a burning in the back of his throat that threatened to give way to a sob. 

"G-get out of my apartment."

Lucas didn't look up until he heard a door close and the sound of footsteps fade. He took a deep, unsteady breath.

Then he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic isn't gonna be all angst and shit, despite this first chapter being Mostly That. Ristel wasn't intended to be more than just a character I reference once but I love her and she can help move the story along.


	2. An Unexpected Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas runs into an old friend.

A week had passed since Magnus visited him. Not much had changed. Lucas still went along as miserably as he did before. He somehow didn't get fired, but he only had one more chance. After the visit he found himself appreciating his job more. It gave him something to focus on: something to drown out his ceaseless thoughts.

Whenever he wasn't doing something, his thoughts would float back to Magnus. Why did he come? He couldn't think of a reason that made sense. People were... worried about him? That's not possible. They had made it clear that they didn't want him around. So why else would Magnus have gone out of his way to find him? If it wasn't revenge...

Lucas shook his head, trying to pull his attention back to the robot sitting in front of him. It was small, resembling a toy. The goal was for the little guy to be able to perform a one-man version of Fantasy Hamlet. It was a useless invention, he would admit, but he needed to work on _something_.

So far, the bot could only move. Lucas didn't actually _know_ anything about Fantasy Hamlet or theatre and acting in general. But hey, it was something, right? The next step would be installing a voice box. The performance would be no good without the lines to go with the dramatic struts. Unfortunately for him, he didn't have any. He used the last one on a shitty Elf Sheeran robot that definitely wasn't worth it. 

Before he had a chance to change his mind, Lucas pulled on his ratty trench coat and sneakers and slipped outside. The complex's hallways were always clean. Ristel and Alvin clearly cared for the place. It was almost inspirational. As he walked, he counted his steps. It was something to focus on. _One, two, three, four..._

It was unnaturally cold outside. Goldcliff is a desert, why was it freezing? Lucas found himself pulling his coat tighter as he merged into Goldcliff's morning bustle. It was surprisingly busy for a Saturday, something he was grateful for. The crowd would hide him. He's... never actually been to Rim Jobs on his day off. No doubt it would be awkward. His co-workers would try to force small talk on him. Yes, it sure is cold. No, my project is none of your damn business. _No, it's not a sex robot, Gary._

He continued to count his steps, staring at the ground as he walked. _eighty-five, eighty-six, eighty-seven, seventy-eight- no eighty... eighty...?_ Someone behind him swore as he stopped to try and find his place. Seventy or eighty? Did he get to ninety? Fuck it, he'd start over. _One, two, three..._

The moment he got to three, he collided with someone in front of him with enough force to almost knock him over. He stumbled back before catching himself, muttering an apology. 

"Oh shit, my b, I wasn't paying attention an- Oh my gods, Lucas?"

Standing in front of him was Carey Fangbattle. Her hands were held in front of her in a gesture of "shit sorry!" and her tail was raised in surprise. 

Lucas had almost forgotten about Carey. Not her existence of course- he'd known her for far too long for that. She was at his lab too. She helped fight legion with Noelle. He'd betrayed her as well.

He wasn't as afraid of Carey as he was Magnus or the other dous horny boys or Killian, but that's not to say he wasn't afraid. He flinched and spouted out jumbled apologies.

"Hey, Lucas my man, chill. It's fine, you don't need to keep apologizing. I forgave you forever ago."

It wasn't fine though. He'd almost killed her and her girlfr- no, wife. They were married now, weren't they? He almost took their future away from them. That's not something he could make up for. He kept tumbling out apologies.

"Hey, hey, Lucas, breathe. It's alright."

Carey placed her claw gently on his shoulder. It took a few moments for Lucas to realize he had started crying. He wiped his eyes on his coat sleeve as a wave of shame washed over him. Carey shouldn't have to deal with him or his problems. She had better things to do than comfort a fucked up scientist who started crying in the middle of the street. 

"Listen, Luc, I'm being serious. It's fine."

Half-heartedly, Lucas looked up to meet her eyes. She smiled at him, then slowly blinked. A display of trust many races used. 

"It's fucking cold out, huh? Wanna get some coffee and catch up? Maybe try to figure out this weird weather? We haven't really gotten to chat since, well, since before the Bureau was fully set up."

The thought was so damn appealing that, despite what his reasoning was telling him, he smiled back.

"Why not?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter? Not as good as the first and not as long, but necessary to establish some things. I also have a lot of headcanons about the Bureau pre-Here There Be Gerblins. Also, dragons are essentially cats, so.


	3. Coffee and Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That chat could be gone much better.

Carey led him through the clearing streets, chatting about what the Bureau's been up to. Mostly, they were rebuilding after the Hunger's attack. Neverwinter took the blunt of the damage due to the moonbase's proximity to it. She also gushed about Killian. 

"It's sucks that you missed our wedding, it was hella!"

He doubted Killian would've appreciated that. Even before the Crystal Kingdom happened, she didn't like him. If Magnus didn't make up his mind about killing him, she'd take the opportunity from him.

"Anyway, here's the cafe! It's really good, even better than the Fantasy Starbucks."

They stopped in front of a small stone building. Blooming vines grew up it's walls, and flower bushes decorated it's front. A chalk sign covered in doodles advertised the menu. The shop's name was painted next to the door: Oasis.

Carey smiled at him again then pushed open the door. Bells jingled as they shuffled in from the unnatural cold. A gnome woman smiled at them as they approached the counter.

"Hello Carey! The usual I presume?"

When Carey nodded, the gnome turned her attention to Lucas. She cocked her head, golden curls bouncing with the movement.

"And for you, love?"

Lucas glanced up at the fancy drinks listed on the menu, then back down to the clerk.

"Uh, I'll have, an um, I'll have just a small back- uh, black coffee."

The woman nodded.

"Coming right up! Your name, darling?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. Lucas. Lucas Miller. You, you didn't... you don't need my last name uh.. hail and well met?"

She chuckled, and reached out a hand for a handshake.

"So you're _the_ Lucas Miller? Nice to meet you too. I'm Mina."

Lucas awkwardly shook her hand and watched her disappear behind the counter. Carey's claws tapped idly against its surface. When she saw him watching her, she gave him a reassuring nod. He nodded back before turning to the rest of the shop.

No one else was there, save for one figure. A sun elf, and for a second Lucas' heart skipped a beat. The man didn't look too simular to Taako- he was thinner with shorter hair- but their skin tones and hair colour were the same. His thin fingers picked at some overly-sweet looking dessert. 

"Here you two go, have a sweet day~!"

Lucas turned away from the elf and grabbed his coffee, muttering a quick thanks to Carey for paying. She waved bye to Mina and led him to a table in the corner.

"So," she began after taking a sip of her drink, "What does _the_ Lucas Miller have to say about the fucked up weather?"

"Well, it's magical in origin, that much is, yeah, no shit. I haven't looked into it, so as to the root source, I have no idea. Honestly I don't give a shit about it. It's not my problem."

Carey frowned at him, and Lucas felt... ashamed? She had expected more from him. She probably expected him to have it understood with a perfect solution. Which, years ago, he would have. He took a drink.

"But aren't you curious? A desert starts to freeze out of nowhere? The source could be something fascinating!"

Lucas downed his coffee and sighed. 

"Listen, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not a scientist anymore. I'm just a shitty mechanic who makes shitty useless robots in his shitty trashed apartment. Everytime I _do_ do science, I fuck something up! I almost killed you Carey! And Killian! And Magnus and Taako and Merle and everyone! I practically killed my own fucking mom! The cold is none of my _fucking_ business!"

He was standing up now, hands gripping the table hard enough to turn his knuckles white. Everyone was staring at him in stunned silence. Carey had sunk back into the booth she was sitting in. Seeing her like this made Lucas' heart plummet into his stomach. It was the same alarmed and upset reaction he'd gotten under the thrall of the Philosopher's Stone.

_He was in Lucretia's office. It was cold then too. Lucas was leaning over her desk, his hands clutching it's edge. He was nearly on top of it. Tears streamed from his stinging eyes, his throat burned._

_He was screaming at her. She refused to help him. Why was she refusing? That was his mother that had died. Her girlfriend. She was ignoring the please of her own fucking step-son._

_Even though it was locked up in his lab, he could hear the stone in his head. It was urging him. He had to convince her. She was the only one that could help him. She had to understand. She had to._

_He snatched a teacup off the desk and threw it at the wall behind her. It shattered, a mirror of Lucretia's expression. She was upset, confused, maybe even scared. She didn't stand up. She didn't yell. Lucas, too, shattered. He backed off the desk and walked to the doorway._

_"Have a nice night, 'Madame Director'."_

_The stone whispered to him. He'd do it without her._

Lucas was shaking, trying as hard as he could to prevent himself from crying. Carey's voice was small when she spoke.

"O-Okay. Well, it's fine y'know? Tres Horny Boys are already on it anyway so... I mean I was just hoping... Never mind."

By the time she finished speaking, Lucas was already out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last very angsty chapter for a bit ~I believe~ Can't confirm anything. Also I appreciate all the positive comments ♡


	4. The Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter what happens, Lucas is a scientist at heart.

Steam was all Lucas could see as he exited the shower. As much as he'd hate to admit it, that was the first shower he had taken in weeks. At least his guilt over his outburst caused him to do something positive. Kinda pathetic. He took a moment to frown at the ragged towel in his hands (he really needed new ones) before pulling on his boxers and binder.

His own reflection caught his eye. He hadn't seen himself in a while either. Even wet, his hair was unruly. It was long enough to go down to his shoulder blades. He'd never gone this long without cutting it. He also hadn't shaved in months. Dark circles made his eyes look sunken, and he was gaunt. Sick. He looked sick. And he was

But god, he was so tired of it. He was tired of feeling like shit and hating himself. In a spur of the moment decision, he pulled a pair of scissors from the first aid bag on the counter and took it to his hair. 

An hour and a half later, Lucas was shrugging on his trench coat. The cold may not be his concern, but since when did Lucas Miller mind his own business? There was a cave in the hills nearby, which seemed as good a place as any to start investigating. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and marched out the door.

He would be lying if he said he wasn't anxious. For one, he was always anxious (that happens when you have multiple anxiety disorders), but he hadn't done anything like this- or anything at all, in far too long. 

Excitement. That, however, was what he felt the most. Excitement, curiosity, maybe even some sort of hope. His intent was obvious in his faster pace. He had places to do, experiments to conduct. He was going to fix this weather. He was going to _do good._

There wasn't a crowd today. That was, Lucas presumed, due to the temperature. It had dropped 0.3 degrees from what it was yesterday. Not a large amount, but surely something residents of a desert would notice. Based off the average Goldcliff temperatures compares to the temperatures recorded since the weather changed, the cold was increasing at a small exponential rate. Though it wasn't much at the moment, the longer the frost lasted the worse it became; leading to an eventual ice age. 

He was outside the city now, but with still a ways to go until he reached the hills. The frosted ground crunched under his work boots as he pressed forward. There wasn't much to see in this part of Goldcliff. The buildings were behind him, the hills in front of him, and a whole lot of frozen sand on either side.

Well, there was a mound of the sand not too far to his left. Something definitely worthy of investigation. As Lucas got closer, it's most noteworthy feature came into view. Poking from the top of the pile was a small icicle- well, a chunk of ice, icicles are technically only hanging. That wouldn't be unusual for the cold weather in most places, but it was in a desert. There was no rain or snow to have formed it.

"Maybe some spell residue..." Lucas muttered to himself as he pulled a notebook and pen out from his bag.

As he took another step to analyse closer, a noise rang from the mound. It was something sharp, shattering, almost like a wail. He stumbled backwards as the ice rose up, revealing itself to not be ice at all.

The ice mephit twisted it's little body towards him and emitted a piercing screech. Lucas slammed his hand into his pocket to grab his wand, his brain clutching for anything he could remember about mephits. They were elemental beings. Small. Immune to poison. Ice ones were also immune to cold damage.

The mephit shrieked again. Lucas' focus wasn't biology, but he knew a call when he heard one. Allies. Mephits could summon allies. It was something that only had a small chance of happening, though. At least he thought? He held his breath.

No help came. Lucas pointed his wand at the creature. Mephits were easy on their own, but one could become two, then two could become four. They're a whole ass hypothetical exponential function. Thankfully, this wasn't a challenge.

One overdramatic swish and a bolt of Scorching Ray enveloped the elemental. It gave out one last ear-splitting wail before beginning to drop. He was beginning to congratulate himself when another shattering noise discharged from it's falling form. It was too late when he remembered ice mephits explode into shards when they die.

Shaking, it was shaking violently as cracks creeped over it's body. A blast of cold erupted from it before it split. Lucas attempted to scurry to the side, but the freezing air burned at his skin. He stumbled back again, teeth gritted from the stinging. A whistling was his only warning as a shard of ice pierced his side.

He collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath. Even without looking he could tell it wasn't a serious wound, but _fuck_ did it hurt. The icy air stung his throat and lungs. Not very helpful for trying to calm himself down. He pulled his bag from his shoulders and hurriedly scrounged inside. 

First thing: the first aid bag. Second thing: a bag of doritos because he fucking needed it. Pain ripped through his body when he wrapped a hand around the shard. Deep breaths, count to ten. Hurting was something he was used to. He could do this. It's not like this was the first time he'd gotten a chunk of something lodged in him because something exploded.

Even so, he yelped as he tugged the ice from his side. Okay. The next part was easier. Basic aid was easy. It wasn't as painful to sanitize, stitch, and wrap the gash, probably because he had more expirience with that than getting impaled. His shirt and coat were now stained with blood. Fun. At least he has one more thing to force him to get new ones. Cautiously, in order to not rip his stitches, he stood up, brushed sand and dorito crumbs off himself, and continued on.

Sooner than he thought, he arrived at the mouth of the cave. There wasn't anything particularly noteworthy about it. It was fairly small, formed with the same amber rocks as all of Goldcliff. The inside, however, could tell a different story. Lucas cast Light on his left glove and strode inside.

It was empty. Or, it _seemed_ to be empty. He knew better. He held his hand above his head, shining it over the walls- and wincing a bit. He should've put the spell on the side that wasn't injured. 

Speaking of spells, what he couldn't see with human eyes, he could see with magic. The moment he cast Detect Magic, the right wall began to shimmer. Hypothesis: majority of secret magical walls are hidden doors. The wall wasn't dangerous- or at least not magically. It appeared to be the same texture as the rest of the cave, but as he traced his fingers across it's surface the difference was obvious.

The wall was smooth and almost silky. Neither of those were things that would commonly be used to describe rocks in desert caves. In fact, it almost felt like a treated gemstone. It felt like the-

From behind him, Lucas heard clanking, footsteps, and rambunctious laughter. He could feel the panic rising in his chest. Although, he wasn't as scared as he'd normally be. Some psychological effect from being wounded, presumably. Still, he bit his lip as he waited for...

"Merle what the _fuck_ , my dude?"

Walking- no, strutting into the cave were three very familiar figures. Donned in cold weather clothing, Taako, Merle Highchurch, and Magnus-Fucking-Burnsides stopped in the middle of the cavern.

" _Lucas?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written battles before but it was fun lmao. Also, I know I'm writing this but like? let Lucas be happy.


	5. The Starts of Exploration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas has no idea how to talk to anyone and too much knowledge about weird things

To Lucas's horror- or, Lucas' anxiety's horror- the three men were staring at him in ranging, but obvious, expressions of shock. He felt trapped under their gazes, panic disabling him from doing anything to resolve the tension. A logical part of him began an attempt to calm himself down. Deep breaths, just try and perceive, remind yourselves of the facts to ground yourself.

He decided to take in their outfits. Merle was wearing a blue checkered western-style button up. He was also wearing jorts despite the freezing cold. His boots were a style that Lucas had never seen before. They were almost cowboy but shorter and bulkier. It's hypocritical of him to judge but they were hideous. As usual, there were flowers in his beard and in his hair, which was tied into a small bun. He looked like some hippie country singer, but then again, when didn't he?

Taako was, well, Taako. He looked amazing. A sleek trench coat draped over his form, covering most of his leggings. His boots were classic ankle heels that probably had a fancy name. Gods only know how he managed to do all the stuff he did in heels. Multiple scarves in varying shades of purple were tied around his neck. A pair of round sunglasses were pushed back onto his head, tinted to match his scarves. His blonde hair was in braids, framing his round face. The cold blue he had painted his nails reflected the weather as well as supplied a complimenting contrast to his dark skin.

And then there was Magnus. Compared to Taako his outfit was simple: an army jacket over a flannel with jeans and boots. But something about it made Lucas's heart jump. Even with the layers, his bulk was obvious. His strong arms could be made out through the fabrics of his clothes. True to what he had seen of his casual style, the top buttons of the flannel were unbuttoned, revealing a bit of his chest. His jeans weren't skinny jeans, but they were tight around his thighs in a really nice way. His hair was unbrushed, messy, _charming_. Despite the fact that he wasn't wearing armour, he still looked powerful. Like a fighter. 

"-Hello? You still with us?"

Lucas blinked and quickly averted his gaze from Magnus, trying his best to not look awkward. The three men were watching him, waiting for him to respond to... something. 

"Uh, sorry! I- it's... wound. My wound. Shock y'know?

Merle nodded wisely. Taako was looking him over, an eyebrow raised. Self-conscious, he looked down at his own clothes, and boy, were they bad. His sweater had splotches of grease and oil and Monster Energy stains all over it- not to mention the dried blood it shared with his old trench coat. His sweatpants were tucked into his gritty work boots and bunched around the ankles. He looked back up to brace himself for any comment Taako was going to make, but he said nothing about it.

"We asked what you're doing here, Miller. After your little explosion at the café I didn't think you'd come."

"My little...? How did you? Oh my god, Taako, that _was_ you?"

"Transmutation magic, baby. Almost the same is the best disguise."

_Now_ Lucas was beginning to properly panic. Why was he there? Did Carey lead him there? Were they following him? Is this where they're going to kill him? Oh fuck-

"What explosion?"

Both Magnus and Merle were looking at Taako in confusion. So he didn't... tell them? That meant they weren't conspiring together to do something against him. But then... how did he know that Carey was taking him there? She couldn't have planned it. She didn't know where he was, right? Unless... did Magnus tell her? But _that doesn't make sense because Taako didn't tell him-_

"Not an actual explosion- don't worry about it. Lucas, why are you here?" 

Their eyes were back on him again, feeling like lasers to his anxious and overactive mind. His thoughts were a jumbled mess of questions that only lead to more questions. He couldn't focus. He was here to investigate the weather, but he couldn't tell them that because they could think he was behind it, just like he was with the stone. He was a decent liar as long as it was partially true... 

"Uh, there was an um. An ice mephit. And I thought, oh shit that's not great, so I, uh, killed it and went in here to check in case there were any more." 

He sighed in relief when the others made noises of understanding. On closer inspection, some of what he had originally assumed to be sand on their clothes were frost. So, it turns out there _was_ more than one mephit. 

"Is that how you got injured?" 

Lucas's heart jumped again at the sound of Magnus's voice. He was eyeing the slowly growing bloodspot on his sweater, as were the other two now. Subconsciously, he placed a hand to cover the spot. 

"Yeah, uh, but it's fine. I know first aid." 

Merle was frowning at him, and for a second before he spoke, he thought he was going to offer to heal him. 

"It got you right where I put the stitches." 

The sti-? Oh fuck, when Merle stitched dickhead into him. The cherry on top of that shitty day. 

"I took the stitches out right after you left, Grandpa Piss." 

Taako and Magnus laughed at the name, and Lucas smiled. They found him funny! Not to mention, they both had _really_ nice laughs. 

"We had to fight them too, and they just kept screeching like-" Magnus mimicked the mephit's call, much to the amusement of everyone in the cave, "-and every time they did that another one would appear and there were so many-" 

"But then cha boy casted Aganazzar's Scorcher and got them all in one hit baby!" 

"Then they exploded in every direction but we Matrixed that shit!" 

As they were speaking, Lucas turned back to the cave wall. There were beyond thousands of different ways it could open. Secret password, a pattern, a certain spell, a blood sacrifice. In any of his time in Goldcliff, does he remember learning about some magic users turning caves into hideouts...? There were all the different battlewagon gangs back when it was illegal. Perhaps one of them? 

Lucas was actually very familiar with quite a bit of those gangs. He hadn't spent too much time in Goldcliff before he moved there, just visiting for the occasional scientific convention. That was until one night at least. After one of those conventions- a really boring and annoying one, specifically- he went out for a drink. Nothing unusual. He'd been to The Sunfox quite a bit. It was the town's main inn, and an astonishingly nice place. Decorated with bursts of oranges and yellows, banners, cloths, and carpets draped upon every surface, chairs and benches stacked with pillows: it wasn't a fancy place, but it was cozy 

That's not what he was looking for that night. He was bored. Frustrated by being forced to listen to old cis white guys talk about things they didn't even understand fully. What he wanted was to get fucked up (and honestly? also plain fucked.) The best place to go for that was a rundown bar in Golfcliff's crime sector. The Deathstalker. Named after a scorpion native to deserts that wasn't as impressive as the name would suggest. 

Around that point is where his memory starts to get foggy. He entered and ordered a drink and somehow got into a drinking competition with a _really_ buff dwarf. What they were drinking was some kind of extra potent dwarven ale that was in no way meant for human consumption. Somehow, though, he won. The whole bar was cheering and he remembers being approached by two people. Maarvey and Sloane. Not ones to usually get along, he was soon to learn, but they had a whole heist planned. Gods, he could not remember what they were trying to steal for the life of him, or why they decided a wasted scientist would be the best help. He agreed because, well, he was _very_ drunk and _very_ gay and Maarvey was _very_ big and rugged. 

They went back to some garage to plan things out some more before sneaking off into the night. They did a lot of running and laughing and arguing and that's about all he remembered before the police found them. He basically turned himself in to allow Sloane to run off, pursued by Hurley, and for Maarvey to escape completely. 

His mom and Lucretia weren't pleased to have to bail him out of jail at 4 in the morning. He did earn some sympathy points for being immensely hungover. 

But, thanks to that, he was granted the title of being an honorary Hammerhead. He offered the group advice and parts while getting to boss people around and steal Maarvey's jackets. From this opportunity, he was able to learn about the other gangs. The Termites, The Chainmail, The Hellenas (like hyena but hell, not like the My Chemical Necromance song), The Jagged Filth, The T- _wait_. The Jagged Filth. 

A cult. The Jagged Filth turned out to be a cult. Followers of some weird abyssal deity who would do battlewagon races as some kind of ritual and ate dirt. They also did a lot of blood magic and used caves as worship chambers. So turns out a blood sacrifice _was_ the correct answer. 

Well, blood sacrifice sounded maybe too dramatic. A small finger prick was probably enough to open the door, and he was already bleeding. 

"I've figured something out." 

He turned back to Tres Horny Boys, who were still bantering before he spoke. 

"This wall behind me? It's actually a door. There used to be the gang that was also a cult, a gult if you will, and they used it for magical purposes, so it's possible that whomever, or whatever, is fucking with the weather is hiding out in one of these caves." 

The three men glanced at each other, expressing something that Lucas didn't understand. 

"Okay chill, so what, do we need a blood sacrifice to get in?" 

The necromancer in Lucas couldn't help but smile, which hopefully was kinda creepy- he wanted some sort of intimidation. 

"We do, actually. Luckily for us-" he slid his hand under his sweater and collected a bit of his blood on his fingers, careful not to accidentally lift the fabric- "I have a lot of it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever to write because cha boy's been busy and also I had no idea where I was going in this chapter? I probably should've planned it out because I have no idea where it went lmao. It started with Lucas being thirsty for Magnus and ended with some weird backstory headcanons. Also I feel like the only person who likes Maarvey?


	6. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas continues to fear the past.

A shock ran through Lucas's arm as he dragged his fingertips along the smooth stone wall. He yelped and hopped back, clutching his wrist. _What the fuck?_

His blood on the stones began to hiss and bubble as if it were boiling. Cracks ruptured in the rock and splintered out from the spot he had touched. A pattern was forming out of them: jagged rhombi aligning in the degrees of a circle, all connecting to the smear of blood in the centre. More blood that certainly wasn't his seeped out from the wall. It filled the thin veins, travelling out from the core. 

Clockwise around the rune, as Lucas recognised it as now, the blood reached the rhombi. Once the diamond shape was lined in crimson, it illuminated. There were images flashing in that light. Scenes of what appeared to be events in Goldcliff. It was too bright to make out the specifics of them.

Lucas fidgeted with a loose seam on his glove with cold anxiety rushing up him. The symbol was far too reminiscent of the Cosmoscope for his comfort; the jagged edges of the rhombi evocative of crystals. There...this couldn't be connected right? It's just a coincidence? But, oh god, what if it's not and he's walking back into his mistakes? What if the stones not destroyed somehow and it's going to take him over again and he's going to ruin everything again an- 

"Holy fuck that was some Silent Hill shit."

In his fear, Lucas hadn't notice the wall open. The newly opened entrance lead deeper into the cave, it's sides dimly lit by the fading spell on his glove. Any motivation he had to explore the lair had melted away in his panic. He was cold and frightened and exhausted, and his adrenaline rush gave way to the burning from his side and the new stinging in his arm. He just wanted to go home and sleep.

Without much hesitation, but after some banter he wasn't listening to of course, Taako and Merle strolled into the tunnel. He was too out of it to notice that Magnus wasn't rushing in like he does until he felt a gentle pressure on his shoulder and a quiet voice next to him.

"Lucas, you okay? You're crying."

Lucas flinched at the touch, and Magnus quickly pulled his hand away. Part of him was thankful for that; the other part really wished he hadn't. Magnus's hand was warm and he'd be lying if he said he didn't want the big man to hold him. At the same time though, he felt he was one sensory input from completely losing it.

Is he okay? No. Is he going to explain why? Definitely not the main reasons. Once again he found himself throwing together some believable half-truth.

"Uh, yeah. Just, um. The rune activating kinda like shocked me? Kinda like, uh, like something whipped my arm and it hurts... hurts hurts hurts... and my side also. Really bad, actually. Bad... bad bad badbadbad."

Okay, so his disorganized speech really fucked that up. He didn't dare meet Magnus's eyes. Hopefully he'd just interpret it as him getting lightheaded and disoriented from pain and blood loss rather than him on the verge of a full breakdown.

"I could get Merle to heal you, and probably figure out what the thing did to your arm."

"No no, I'm fine. It's fine. Fine. I just. I'll be fine. I need. A bit. I think. That's- that's- that's all. Fine."

Lucas finally gave in and looked up at Magnus. He looked doubtful about him being fine. He also looked sympathetic in a way that made him feel nauseated. And in his face there was, once again, that worry. That puzzling, that _confusing_ worry. He still couldn't understand it, why Magnus Burnsides would waste his time and energy to worry about him.

Magnus nodded and began heading into the darkness, only to glance over his shoulder and catch Lucas's gaze. He grinned and gave him a comical wink before *rushing* after the other two.

To say Lucas was seduced is an understatement.

He stumbled over to the darkest corner of the main cave and collapsed. His head was pounding and the whirl of thoughts and emotions slamming in his mind did nothing to help. His entire body felt like it was shutting down, getting overloaded by the onslaught of inputs from his brain. He was on the fritz, threatening to short circuit again.

Memories he longed to forget forced their way into the forefront of his thoughts and replayed over and over like a malfunctioning CD. A nausea played along to the slideshow, adding it's unsolicited commentary; it ridiculed and belittled him, a hissed whisper that promised his guilt. Something less harsh was home in the mix. A softer yet still unwelcome confusion. Disbelief. In a way it was relief, in another it fueled the merciless current of sickness. 

Physical sensations made things even more hellish. The cold burned through his clothes and chipped away at his skin. The very bones in his left arm felt at risk of shattering; his veins seeming as if they were about to burst. Blood continued to soak through the bandages and fabrics. Soon it would be through the glove of the hand he had clenched over the stab in a hopeless endeavour to cease the pain. Out of similarity from everything else and logical sense was the tingle of warmth in his body. If being close to Magnus wasn't enough to make him feel weak the wink was overkill. How the fuck he managed to still feel horny in this scenario was magic.

He shut his eyes, too heavy for him to keep open, and tried to calm himself down. Just gotta breathe, thats all. The moment he tried to take a deep breath he was hit by a sharper tinge of pain from his side, returning him back to hyperventilating. _This was going to be a fucking nightmare._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Projecting my neurodivergencies and symptoms on Lucas? Yes. He has ptsd, psychosis, and autism and those are the facts babes! Also oops I've slipped back into angst mode


	7. Intimate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things aren't adding up for Lucas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7 chapters in and Finally there's something Magcas, it only took 7,000 words lmao

Loud chatter echoing around him forced him awake. How he managed to fall asleep was amazing, and how he didn't die in his sleep even more so. He glanced sleepily to the opening where Tres Horny Boys entered back into the main cave, looking... no different from when they left. Magnus lead them over to where he was sitting, and Taako spoke.

"Lucas, my man, there was nothing in your cult cave."

"N-nothing? Like nothing related to the wea- related to the cold? Or-"

"Nothing at all! Just an empty cave, I used detect magic and everything there's nothing."

"That- that can't be right, I-"

Lucas attempted to swiftly push himself up, only to cry out in pain and collapse back down. His side throbbed like it was trying to eat him from the inside out, and he was pretty sure he split it fully back open. He watched as Merle opened his Extreme Teen Bible.

"No- no, don't... I'll be fine. Don't waste a spell slot on me, I know, I know things, I'm- I know first aid and some, some magic I'm. Yeah. I'll- just tell me some place in Goldcliff we can ta- we can discuss stuff. I'll meet you there."

Merle closed his bible but seemed... hesitant about leaving? So did Taako? Magnus shook his head and crouched next to him.

"Lucas, you're obviously hurt pretty fucking bad, even if you stitch yourself up or heal yourself you're not going to be able to make it back by yourself."

Lucas averted his eyes to the amber wall, once again not wanting to meet Magnus's face. He also didn't want to admit he was right.

"I dont- I don't want- I don't need-"

"Okay, listen, Lucas. How about these two go on ahead and I stay. You can fix yourself up and if you need any help I'll be there. If you don't I'll also be there but I'll leave you alone. Deal?"

God Magnus was stubborn. He doubted he had an option here. It also wasn't the worst thing. He wouldn't have to feel like he was wasting everyone's time (more than he did already with the empty secret cave) just Magnus's. And, well, he would be... alone with him. A concept that made him anxious in many ways.

"Deal."

"Whelp. At least you guys saw I tried to heal somebody. We're letting up at the inn."

If Taako had any problems with that location, he didn't show it. He just waved and followed Merle out into the sunlight.

And now they were alone.

Lucas bit his cheek, trying desperately to come up with a way to explain that he does actually need help without sounding... pathetic.

"You actually need help, don't you?"

That solves it.

"...Maybe."

He held his breath as Magnus inched closer to him and carefully pulled his bag, which he was using as a pillow, out from behind him. He took out the first aid kit and gently moved Lucas's hand off of the wound. Lucas forced himself to exhale despite the touch. With some assistance, he pulled of the left sleeve of his coat.

"You're gonna have to walk me through this, I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Uh, well, f-first you gotta, take off the old bandage, um."

Magnus nodded and, the most soft and cautious Lucas has ever seen him do anything, he began to lift his shirt. His fingertips lightly brushed against Lucas's hip and he melted at the feeling. His heart pounded from the closeness- the first time he's had any kind of touch in a long time- and concern. When Magnus had unwrapped the bandage it became obvious that his injury was worse than he thought. Worse than it should be.

"Shit that's deep. How bad did it get you?"

Lucas just shook his head and instructed him on how to clean and sanitize it. His mind was started to race again now that he was more awake and worried. He just wanted to keep feeling Magnus's gentle grazes and go back to sleep. 

It stung when Magnus began to clean the stab, but he didn't mind that much, especially when he put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. The same when he taught him how to stitch it up.

He was especially careful when he wrapped new bandages around Lucas, his hand occasionally skimming over his skin. It was... odd how Magnus treated him during this. Yeah, it made some sense that he didn't want to worsen his wound or make him any more of a burden than he already was, but he was so... tender. Concerned. It was like Lucas was some delicate fragile carving he was mending, afraid of breaking. And that- that didn't make sense.

He helped Lucas up to his feet. As he was putting back on the sleeve of his trench coat, he noticed Magnus adjusting the straps on his bag.

"What ar-"

Magnus slipped the straps over his strong arms and smiled at him.

"I'm not going to let you carry it like that. C'mon, Taako and Merle are probably spending all my money."


	8. The Small Blue Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Lucas find a potential clue as to the makers of the icey curse on their way back to Goldcliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey nyall its been like uhhhh 300yrs since this updated? i have no excuse. enjoy the wack vibes this chapter has i guess?

Magnus wrapped an arm around Lucas to help him walk. The heat in Lucas's face definitely wasn't from the sunshine they'd just entered. The temperature had dropped from when he'd left. It was afternoon now, around 6:00 based off the light. Although there was a possibility for the change to be caused by worsening magic, it was more likely to be the natural dive caused by receiving less heat from the sun as it sets. It would be interesting, however, if it was-

"Nice haircut, by the way."

Pulled out of his thoughts, Lucas took a minute to process what Magnus had said.

"Oh! Uh, thanks. I did it, uh, this morning, actually. I've never gotten my hair- no; I've never cut my own hair. So..."

He wasn't sure if Magnus meant that compliment. He had no idea how to properly do anything with hair so he just tried his best to cut it evenly a bit under his chin. Typically he would've gone for a shorter cut, but he would most certainly have fucked that up. Still, he wasn't sure if his hair actually looked good. Or decent at all, really. Magnus could just be fucking with him.

"You did a good job. It looks cute."

Lucas's heart just about stopped at that. Did... did Magnus Burnsides just... call him cute? Well, technically he called his haircut cute, but his haircut is also him, but maybe he was just talking about the hair? Would "it" refer to just the cut or the style on him? Would maybe for once in his life he stop overthinking everything?

"Uh....I, uh. It's, I'm, uhh... thanks, uh, thank you. You, um... you're... you are also appealing."

Holy shit. "Appealing." He was gonna throw himself off a cliff.

Magnus didn't seem put off by Lucas's compliment, despite it being weird and foward and kinda horny. He actually laughed pretty damn hard at it. That led to Lucas laughing along. Softly at first, but then they couldn't stop. Everything seemed so funny all of a sudden. The cold didn't seem so cold anymore.

They began to tell each other stories as they made their way back to Goldcliff. Magnus had a century worth of shenanigans to share. Lucas had less, but still enough good ones about the Bureau members to make Magnus practically howl. 

Lucas shouldn't have been surprised by how quick his mood had shifted- it happened all the time- but something about it seemed unique. Different from normal. He was still trembling from pain and exhaustion and fear; he was still longing for his bed and a good nap, but he didn't...

He didn't feel like he wanted to die anymore. He doubted the feeling would last, but even just to have it now inundated him with a sense of hope that teetered on the edge of overbearing. He was here, now, helping people, _being_ helped. _Doing good._

Again with those oddly catious and careful movements, Magnus tightened his hold on him for a second. It was a sort of gentle squeeze, like a one-armed hug. Lucas was confused before he realized that, for the who-knows-how-many-th time today, he had been crying. He tried to blink away the tears and groaned dramatically.

"God, I don't remember it taking so long to get here. Why is it taking so long to get back?"

Magnus threw a smile his way.

"You're the scientist, shouldn't you know?"

"One- I do actually know, it was what some would call a ""goof"". Because I'm tired and injured I'm more aware of the length. Two- you're also technically a scientist Mr. IPRE."

He looked at Magnus who was making... some sort of face. Lucas, being far from Rustically Hospitable, had absolutely no idea what it was.

"Lucas, I was also goofing."

"Oh."

They continued on in awkward silence for longer than Lucas would've liked before Magnus broke it.

"I am, technically, a scientist, huh? Weird. Scientists are usually nerds, like you."

"Hey!"

Magnus did that overdramatic and very attractive wink at him again, forcing Lucas to avert his eyes to avoid having a heart attack on the spot. As he did, he caught a glimmer of something in the sand. He stopped, as did Magnus, and did his best to analyze it standing up. Crouching down would be painful, and he's learned his lesson about touching random objects laying on the ground today.

It appeared to be some kind of charm; the kind that would attatch to older model stones of farspeech. Its design was too low contrast to see without getting a closer look. He relayed this information to Magnus, who began to reach down to grab it.

"Wait don-"

It was too late, he had already picked up the charm. Lucas held his breath, waiting for something horrible to happen. A few seconds... a few moments...

"Should... I put it down?"

He let out his breath and frowned.

"No, because it doesn't _seem_ to be cursed, but you didn't know that. You could've died."

Magnus just chuckled and grinned at him.

"Been there done that, dork. Plus you know rushing in is my whole thing. I couldn't not have picked it up."

Lucas sighed, pushing down multiple of the not acceptable responses he had to that (Which included such thoughts as a very rude and panicky "Can't you just think before you act and fuck everything up!" and also "Please rush into me.") He carefully plucked the object from Magnus to inspect its design. A light, pastel blue background that was nearly white with an actually white, very difficult to see skull on top. The whole thing was glittery, its shimmer reminiscent of snow.

"Well that... definitely screams evil ice magicians. Either that or some pastel goth lost their charm."

"Do you... recognize it? Is it a symbol or?"

Lucas clicked his tongue.

"I don't know yet. Right now? No. But I haven't fully analyzed it yet, and, gods, this thing is so bright it's hard to look at. I do think it's magical."

"Great! To the inn we go! Or, continue to go! Continue to go to faster now!"

Magnus actually gently lifted Lucas up and began to carry him bridal style towards the city of Goldcliff. At this rate, he'd be killed by Magnus's touch before he could solve any of this.

Not a bad way to go.


End file.
